I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
