I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
