Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
