Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
