I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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