No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
