do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
even my farts smell like vagina
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
