i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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