I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize