Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
