I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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