i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
