she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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