thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
