Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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