It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
