If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
