Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My dick has a subreddit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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