He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
