i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
