You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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