Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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