You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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