i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
