It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
