My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
