When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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