talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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