She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
