omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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