Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
