you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
