He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize