Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
