Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
