i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
