xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
