ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
