do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
