My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
