Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
