dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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