If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
