Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
