Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize