dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You made out with two different species that night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
