I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
