Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
