WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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