I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
