cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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