some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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