i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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