All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is her dick bigger than yours?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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