I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I could fuck to npr.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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