He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
