Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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