I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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