What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
