Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
