Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
