Swine flu. Run for my life!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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