WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
