I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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