I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
