she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I believe in your delicious
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
